Navimateo's guide to Nicaragua: what to expect and what to have with you.

We've all read a traveler's guidebook, you know Lonely Planet, Moon, etc etc. But we've found that there are some things worth mentioning that have somehow not made the cut.

Here's what we think is important to know.

1. The heat: When going anywhere in Nicaragua by foot, bus, bike, or taxi, it is most pertinent to always carry a sweat rag and a hand fan. Even if you crawl at the pace of a turtle, you will still be sweating more than any Nicaraguan, before you get to your destination.

2. Opportune moments: Always have your camera on you, just in case you happen to travel down a dirt alleyway through the barrios and see some youngsters tattooing their friends as they lay across plastic lawn chairs on top of puddles, with no gloves or electric outlet in sight. Yikes......

3. On destinations: While on your daily journeys around town, to the grocery store or wherever else you had planned in mind, you will surely be yelled at from a good 1/2 a block away from any bus ayudante (helper) as if he's been waiting just for you to join their departure. He will say, "MANAGUA! MANAGUA MANAGUA MANAGUA MANAGUA." When he realizes you don't intend to go to Managua, he will change the city to "MASAYA! MASAYA?! MASAYA MASAYA MASAYA!" with hand gestures as ifyou are supposed to come running. Oh yes, well I was going to the store, but now that you mention it I think a trip out of town sounds about right.

4. The bus ayudante: When in actuality you do decide to take a bus somewhere, beware that if you have a backpack or a lighter tone of skin, all the ayudantes will try their darnest to convince you to get on their bus. They will say such things as "Don't go with him (a different bus's helper), he's crazy!" or "That bus doesn't go there!" even though you know that in fact it does. Best advice is to ignore them all together andhead to the bus with the most people on it, or the one with the engine already running.

5. On consumption: It is very hard to describe in words the sound, pervasiveness, and value of shouting out products to buy from the individuals who walk through the streets with bags of fresca (juice), pan con queso, mani (peanuts) with honey, fruit, brooms, and so much more. Trust me, if you want to sell something, this tactic works. Take for example the fact that we were simply in our kitchen, out of sight from the road, but with our front door open when we heard a loud shout of "Pina! Naranja! Pina!" Matt turns to me and says "Man it sounds like she's shouting into our house." Again we hear the shouts and then a beckoning to come to the front. Matt goes over and low and behold a lady from the street has carried her basket of goods directly up our porch to the doorstep. We went over and immediately realized YES we do need a Pina and 2 advocados (the first we have seen in the past month here, and ironically I had just proclaimed earlier that day "Man what I wouldn't give for an advocado!"). Ask and you shall recieve. Shout and they shall buy.

6. Other modes of transportation: While traveling to and from soccer practice with 20+ wild kids, it is not uncommon that instead of paying for bus fare to the soccer field, you might just jump into the back of a pickup truck, or onto the top of a pile of volcanic rock carried by a very large flatbed. In these scenarios, be quick enough to actually get in the pickup bed before the driver starts going, or you will be left one leg in, one leg out, and fear for your life if you hit a bump (Matt can tell you all about it). When getting onto the high flatbad, after you've assisted everyone else up, make sure you're quick enough to actually get yourself up, and once on top hang on to someone else near you so you don't fall off (Matt and I can also tell you).

7. On mosquitoes: Either you will be eaten alive by them everyday you are here because you're just too sweet (me) or they will not touch you whatsoever because your Matt. Rumors says it has something to do with skin color which doesn't make any sense at all seeing as how I'm way tanner than Matt. However, Matt will argue it has something to do with Hispanic blood.

8. On alcohol: For beer, you have 2 choices: Tona or Victoria. We vote Tona. For Rum, Flor de Cana is where it's at and Matt and I are learning how to make a mean Caiperina. And of course there's always Aguardiente for whenever you want to punch yourself in the gut. You always know it's a good brand of liquor when it's sold in plastic bottles. Unbreakable.

9. Street kids: Unfortunately, and on a more serious note, it is very common that street kids running around without shoes will come up to you asking for a peso and explaining how hungry they are. Sometimes they ask you directly for the chicken bone off your plate. Other times they simply want to run beside you for a moment and ask for anything you might want to gift them. At the end of each encounter, even if you haven't given them a thing, they will smile and wave goodbye. Our solution is to carry snacks on us at all times so we can at least hand out a little nurishment and talk to them for that present moment.

10. Last but not least, the environmental footprint: It's nice to look at the whole picture. At a first glance it seems like the carbon/ecological footprint here might be very large due to what we see as trash thrown everywhere, polluted water running down the streets, or the traffic smog that passes right by your face while walking down Calle Atravesada (the busiest strip of shops, pedestrians, vehicles, consumers, and producers also known as a clusterf@#!). Yet we were delighted to hear a different perspective from our Canadian friend who is an ecologist and pointed out that in reality the people here live in much humbler size houses, don't have such extravagant automobiles, don't waste nearly as much electricity, gas, or water, pile as many people as possible onto one bike, one taxi, one bus, and in general live within nature, using simpler methods and less materials.

Perhaps we'll pick this subject up again in the future. For now, this is our "getting starting in Nicaragua" advice.